My earliest memory of renting anime is from 2003. When it only costs a few dollars to watch a show, you’re not as picky as when you’re buying something at full price. Sometimes you’ll get lucky. That’s how I first saw Akira and Berserk. But more often than not you would end up with something like Ninja Resurrection or Sin: The Movie. It’s a dangerous game of Anime Rental Roulette.

Being an anime fan is a strange thing sometimes. There are things about the fandom that you don’t often find in other communities. One of those things is the guilt we feel for not watching anime hard enough. We might still rewatch our favorite shows and attend conventions, but we’ll find ourselves in group settings with other fans afraid to admit that we haven’t kept up with the latest trends.

The second half of 2015 brought on many positive changes. But I didn’t make it out of the darkness unscathed. Years of jumping financial hurdles, clinical depression, and more than one existential crisis left a blackness under my eyes that persists to this day. Things weren’t perfect, but they were the best they had ever been.

After hitting rock bottom in 2014, I really needed to catch a break. And fortunately I did at the end of the year. Against All Odds, I got a job working at my alma matter as an Admissions Representative. This is a fancy way of saying someone who tricks people into signing up for student loans.

In 2014 I was hit with a depression harder than I had ever felt. I was drinking more. Sleeping more. I stopped caring about everything. The passion that I felt for my studies was no longer strong enough to distract me from what was happening in my head. I began skipping class and putting minimal effort into my homework assignments. Graduating with a perfect report card no longer mattered to me. My behavior didn’t go unnoticed. Teachers that once praised me, started calling me out in front of the class. And things only got worse when I graduated and couldn’t find a job. Despite everything going wrong, there was still a light of hope that got me through even the worst of days — anime. Just kidding. It was alcohol and porn. With an introduction...

When I look at the list of anime that aired in 2013 and I only recognize a few titles it tells me that I was either very busy, very depressed, or both. Of the entire year, I’ve only seen three shows. One of which, I watched last week. My podcasting output was also low, with a seven month gap between episodes at one point. My memory is hazy, but I know this was a tough year for me. Dropping out of college and changing majors at 25 after completing most of a degree wasn’t something I took lightly. I became motivated to a fault, pushing myself away from friends so I could focus on studying. They didn’t much care for that. On top of my full-time college schedule, I was also working at Domino’s and a radio station. Most of the...